Ok, so it has taken a bit of time for me to recover my senses.
I realise now how hard it must have been for crazy, i never meant to hurt anyone, thats why i did what i did, i knew soon i would end up screwing things up. I hope i made the correct decision.
I think about what i lost, alot, and i cant help but feel a little stupid.
Today, i want to call. I also wanted to call yesterday. The day before was ok. its getting easier not to do anything, but I know one day i will call. I just dont know what I will say.
Tomorrow is friday, i will do some school during the day, thats what my days are like, and later, I dont know, might decide to waste time doing nothing, or I might decide to do some homework.
I have lost motivation.
I have lost hope of a better future.
I have lost someone i love.
I am lost.
So, why do I feel so confused, erratic, and dumbfounded? why must i go through this when I know it is for the best? why do I have so much regret? why do I feel ashamed? why? why am I so alone all of the sudden?
i hope time helps me to work things out. all i want to do is apologise, ask for crazy to take me back, ask for cuddles and words of comfort, ask for a new beginning to the things that have come to pass.
in reality, i know nothing will change. nothing will make crazy take me back, nothing will replace the comforting cuddles I once had, nothing will make sense as it did when we used to fight.
in reality, i am alone, I am lost, i am confused, sad and irreversibly wrong.
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its cath here.. ok this is very weird... i tried to sign in with my yahoo id and its calling me a long random lettery name. it'll do for now. i had no idea you'd written in here. sorry we couldnt be there for each other over the past 5 and a half weeks... but we couldnt move on and be there for each other at the same time unfortunately. i want to be there for each other really badly anyway, if that counts hehe. ive lost the best cuddler in the world :p. id better sleep. id better give you some space again. but before i go... guess what, the bloody blender is broken and i ended up drinking a rubbery tasting banana milkshake, ugh!
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