back to life again

Ok, so it has taken a bit of time for me to recover my senses.
I realise now how hard it must have been for crazy, i never meant to hurt anyone, thats why i did what i did, i knew soon i would end up screwing things up. I hope i made the correct decision.
I think about what i lost, alot, and i cant help but feel a little stupid.
Today, i want to call. I also wanted to call yesterday. The day before was ok. its getting easier not to do anything, but I know one day i will call. I just dont know what I will say.
Tomorrow is friday, i will do some school during the day, thats what my days are like, and later, I dont know, might decide to waste time doing nothing, or I might decide to do some homework.
I have lost motivation.
I have lost hope of a better future.
I have lost someone i love.
I am lost.
So, why do I feel so confused, erratic, and dumbfounded? why must i go through this when I know it is for the best? why do I have so much regret? why do I feel ashamed? why? why am I so alone all of the sudden?
i hope time helps me to work things out. all i want to do is apologise, ask for crazy to take me back, ask for cuddles and words of comfort, ask for a new beginning to the things that have come to pass.
in reality, i know nothing will change. nothing will make crazy take me back, nothing will replace the comforting cuddles I once had, nothing will make sense as it did when we used to fight.
in reality, i am alone, I am lost, i am confused, sad and irreversibly wrong.

monday

well i managed to get some stuff done today.
i got my forms so that i can get a concession card,
i will email that lady about calculus,
i'm so lazy should have already been done.
will be having something to eat soon,
and later, after class ill go back to dad's.
Ill call you from there,
on the mean time we have texts.
Love you heaps lots Crazy.

eze

trapped by your cuddles

I walked away from you
yet you are still here at my side
I run as far as I could
yet your love still holds me down
I made a decision to move
yet I decided to stay and love
I looked away from you
yet I still have you tightly around my arms
I love
I cuddle
I drown in your eyes
You love
You cuddle
You constantly make me die
I make my mistakes
yet you still accept me as I am
I step away
yet I am closer to you than I ever was

Silent echoes

fully understanding myself I take my pain away

I look inside, find my fault, pick on it until its raw

I don't know, my mind is blank, I have not heard

instead I find myself thinking I cannot fly

I want to jump, but I cannot fly, I will surely die

you are switched off

you don't know who I am

you seek reassurances

you want to find things out

numb to the world, I feel my way arround

blind to the world, I look for a way out

deaf to the world, I can only hear you cry

Good Vibrations

Remember the time we smiled,
that last time you said I need cuddles.
It seems like five minutes ago,
it was probably said on the go.
I didn't said anything with meanness,
all i did was just silliness.
My feelings for you make me hazy,
I don't doubt I love you crazy.

Twas a bothersome thing to wake up...

Wow, finally i created this blog.
I will eventually start, but for now it exists.
I have a few classes today, and later when I get back home I will begin my usual planning and making up of templates from which to work from, until then ... I love you heaps lots crazy one.
eze